Jaylynn the Poet
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: Poetry is the language of imagination. Poetry is a form of positive creation.
1. Jaylynn the Poet Script

_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 2

EPISODE 18

Airdate: February 23, 2014

Title: Jaylynn the Poet

Segway Segment: Classic Music Videos - Yo! Thank You, Heavenly Raps ("Check the Rhime" by A Tribe Called Quest)

Satire/Social Commentary: None

Special Guest Stars: Gabrielle Union as Mrs. Rosenblum

SCENE 1

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Sparky is rummaging through some mementos in his closet)

SPARKY: Ah, this is like spring cleaning before the real spring cleaning next month. Time to throw away some of this stuff, Santa's Little Helper.

(Santa's Little Helper meows "Why do you have that porno?")

SPARKY: That was a gift...from Grandpappy MacDougal. He loved pornos. See? This one is a classic. (Sparky writes down "From Grandpa" on the DVD) _I Know Who You Did Last Summer._

(Santa's Little Helper meows "You can't fool me. I know you bought that porno.")

SPARKY: You can't prove that! I was experimenting!

(Sparky accidentally knocks over one of the boxes in his closet)

SPARKY: Hey, from my brief fit, this box fell down. And there are some of Jaylynn's old poems in here. (Sparky reads one) Oh my God. This is amazing. And I've read some amazing stuff in the past, SLH.

CUTAWAY GAG

Sparky is reading what can be clearly seen as _Diary of a Wimpy Kid._

SPARKY: This makes the Bronte books look like kid stuff!

The camera zooms in on the book.

END OF CUTAWAY

SCENE 2

The Huie Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

JAYLYNN: I remember this poem. "My words are more emphatic than the sound of an earthquake."

SPARKY: Jaylynn, you have an incredible writing talent. I mean, seriously, I recommend taking the poetry class at the community center and showing off your skills.

JAYLYNN: Really? I mean, this kind of sucks. I could write way better than this.

SPARKY: Yeah, but I was moved. Jaylynn, your poem touched me in a way that if your poem was a complete stranger or some stalker-type guy touching me, it wouldn't be so bad.

JAYLYNN: Well, thanks for the support, but poetry's really not my thing. I'm more interested in photography. Besides, I'll be the only kid there and I hate meeting new people.

SPARKY: Hey, you have to get used to it sometimes. Buster really hated his part-time job at KFC. But after a couple times doing it, he really got into it.

CUTAWAY GAG

(We see Buster in a giant chicken suit outside KFC with flyers; everybody is looking at him like he's gone nuts)

BUSTER: (hands out flyer) TRY THE CHICKEN! (hands out flyer) TRY THE CHICKEN! (hands out flyer) TRY THE CHICKEN!

(A guy with a skateboard rides by)

GUY: Dude, shut up!

BUSTER: Your mom's ass. (hands out flyer) TRY THE CHICKEN!

END OF CUTAWAY

SCENE 3

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

(Buster and Wade are eating when RK comes to the table humming the theme song to _Doug; _he noticeably has two sandwiches on his tray and a mustard bottle, but instead of using the mustard on his sandwiches, he squirts it on his hands and uses it as a moisturizer; he still hums the theme song while doing all of this; Buster and Wade look at him, shocked)

RK: What? Look, maybe the Disney version of _Doug _was OK, but I'm not watching that crap again and you can't make me!

WADE: That's not why we're staring at you.

RK: Why? Because of my T-shirt?

(The T-shirt says "Wrestling: More Realistic Than Reality Shows")

BUSTER: RK, why did you just rub mustard all over your hands?

RK: It makes my hands feel soft.

WADE: But mustard is meant for food, not your skin.

RK: That's what YOU think.

WADE: No, that's what I KNOW.

BUSTER: I still don't understand why you're using mustard for a moisturizer.

RK: Remember the pilot episode of _Hannah Montana?_

BUSTER: And Miley used ketchup for a moisturizer? YES!

RK: Well, I thought to myself, "Why hasn't anyone put it in action?" And then I thought, "Why hasn't anyone used mustard either?"

WADE: Because not many people have your thought process.

BUSTER: I like the idea. Hand me some of that mustard.

RK: Of course, baby cakes.

(RK passes Buster the mustard bottle, and he puts some of it on his hands)

BUSTER: Oh my God, my hands feel like a baby's bottom covered in the stuff people use to bleach their anus!

RK: Didn't I tell ya?

WADE: It seems pretty silly.

(Manny and Will walk past the boys)

WILL: And Manny, that's why 9/11 jokes aren't funny. In any way.

MANNY: OK. But black comedy is my whole schtick! Hey, what's that smell?

WILL: Yeah, it reminds me of mustard.

WADE: That's because it IS mustard. RK and Buster have rubbed that condiment on their hands in an attempt to moisturize them. And no, I'm not exaggerating that.

MANNY: You know, I kinda want to try it.

WILL: Me too! I, personally like me some relish, but this mustard will do just fine.

(Manny and Will get their own mustard moisturizer)

MANNY: Wow, this is unbelievably soft.

WILL: My hands have never felt so supple.

RK: I know, right? It's like moisturizer fellatio!

MANNY: You're telling me!

BUSTER: You know, this is not just one of your store brand ideas, RK. This could really pay off.

RK: You know what? You're right. If people think there's a new moisturizer that they can only get in one place, they'll come in flocks, and the dough will come pouring in from my mouth.

WADE: Are you serious, dude? You're really going to sell mustard so people can use it to soften their hands?

RK: I don't see any better ideas. Any better ideas? Anyone? (RK looks around) Well, if there were better ideas, they would come. And I would know. Because my idea is the best. Which means the other ideas got scared.

(Two small human-like figures with arms, legs, and the word "IDEA" are cowering under the table)

IDEA #1: I think I should go up there...

IDEA #2: DON'T! They'll kill you!

SCENE 4

Northgate Community Center

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

(Sparky pulls up to the community center in his car; Jaylynn is passenger)

SPARKY: You know, I'm really glad you decided to take the class, Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: Um, I guess I'll check it out. But I'm not in this for the long haul, I'm backing out if I'm unsatisfied.

SPARKY: Hey, no one would blame you. I'll pick you up in an hour and a half.

JAYLYNN: OK, Dad.

(chuckles) SPARKY: OK, see ya.

JAYLYNN: See ya.

(Sparky drives off while Jaylynn walks into the community center and heads towards the poetry class; There are several teenagers/adults, and the teacher is an African-American woman. In fact, Jaylynn is the only child.)

JAYLYNN: Oh, great, this is what I was afraid of. Bunch of older people crowding the joint, all developed and whatnot. It's like a Bush's Baked Sausage fest.

(Jaylynn notices a young Muslim girl writing in her notebook, and the seat next to her from the right is empty; the Muslim girl noticeably has clothes on traditional to her faith, like a cloth that covers all of her hair)

JAYLYNN: Hey, she looks like a kid.

(Jaylynn takes a seat next to the Muslim girl)

(to herself) JAYLYNN: She's kind of pretty. Of course, if I could see her hair, then we could have a party. But I can't introduce myself. The last time I did that at school, I lost my cool.

CUTAWAY GAG

(Jaylynn sits next to a pretty Hispanic fourth-grade girl with long brown hair, dimples, and a baby face at lunch)

JAYLYNN: Hey, you're so naturally gorgeous. You don't need makeup at all.

GIRL: I don't wear makeup.

JAYLYNN: OK. But I just complimented you.

GIRL: OK?

JAYLYNN: Aren't you going to say thank you? Those compliments don't come a dime a dozen.

GIRL: Thank you! God!

(The girl goes back to eating, and Jaylynn slaps her in the face and leaves)

END OF CUTAWAY

JAYLYNN: Asshole deserved it. I really hope she didn't choke.

GIRL: Excuse me?

JAYLYNN: Sorry, I wasn't talking to you.

GIRL: OK, fine.

JAYLYNN: No, I didn't mean it like that! I mean...lovely clothes.

GIRL: Thanks. I get that a lot. Nine times a day on average. (chuckles)

JAYLYNN: Are you exaggerating to come off as witty?

GIRL: Yes! How did you know?

JAYLYNN: I hang out with four boys who do that kind of thing all the time.

GIRL: Really? I don't hang out with guys much. It's gotten to the point where people think I'm lesbian or something. (chuckles)

JAYLYNN: No way! I'M lesbian.

GIRL: Oh yeah. Well, only one way to prove that: Do you think I'm attractive?

JAYLYNN: Girl, if we were both older, I would hit it.

(Jaylynn and the Muslim girl stare at each other bored, then start laughing)

GIRL: You know, you're pretty cool. (extends hand) Asil Mousa.

JAYLYNN: (shakes hand) Jaylynn Michelle Huie. The "Michelle" isn't needed, but I just love saying it.

ASIL: Cool. You know, I'm so glad you're white. I'm tired of meeting Hispanic girls.

JAYLYNN: Actually, I AM Hispanic. Sorry, we can't be friends.

ASIL: No way. You're cooler than a lot of Hispanic girls I've met.

JAYLYNN: Well, I don't live and die on being an absolute disgrace to my ethnicity, so...

(Asil laughs)

JAYLYNN: So, you're Muslim, right?

ASIL: All day.

JAYLYNN: What country are you from?

ASIL: That's an interesting question. I'm...

MRS. ROSENBLUM: Hello, everybody. Welcome to the first poetry class of 2014 here at the Northgate Community Center. My name is Mrs. Sandra Rosenblum. And I don't know about you cats, but poetry speaks to me. It's inviting, it's magical, it can do so much to make its point known. Poetry is the language of imagination and a form of positive creation. You guys know who said that?

(no answer)

MRS. ROSENBLUM: You see, I bet my husband $10 that someone would know who said that. Looks like I'm out of luck. (laughter from the class) Well, it was KRS-One of Boogie Down Productions in the song "Poetry." That's something you're going to find out about me quick, I'm a huge fan of old-school rap music. I grew up on artists like Boogie Down Productions, Public Enemy, Kool G. Rap, Big Daddy Kane. And KRS-One was my favorite rapper growing up. I hate rap now, it doesn't mean anything.

(raises hand) JAYLYNN: What about Kendrick Lamar or Wale or J. Cole?

MRS. ROSENBLUM: You know what? I've heard all of them and I love all of them. You see, a rapper cursing means nothing to me. If you have something to say or your music can get me going, you're dope in my book. Like Eminem. I love that guy. Anybody had a chance to listen to "Rap God?" That song is poetry in its rawest form, everybody. You see, rap music can be very conceptual at times. That's what poetry can also be: Very conceptual. Which is actually what we're going to learn today: How to construct a concept poem that's beautiful in what it says and what it means.

ASIL: I love her.

JAYLYNN: You too? I haven't enjoyed a class this much since gym class last year.

CUTAWAY GAG

MR. ABEND: Hello, my name is Mr. Bruce Abend. Welcome to fourth grade. Again, for some unknown reason. Anyway, this is not fun and games. This class can be a number of things. It can be extremely shitty, so get used to it. Here is a bag. I puke in it every morning so you guys can play with it throughout the year.

END OF CUTAWAY

SCENE 5

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

(RK and Buster have opened up their mustard moisturizer stand near the cafeteria door)

WADE: Aren't you guys supposed to get clearing for this sort of thing?

RK: No, because if we asked, we would get shot down. We're kids, doing the wrong thing is our calling card.

BUSTER: Besides, all of our mustard is 100% organic. RK bought the mustard himself.

RK: That's right.

WADE: Guys, that's not what organic means.

(long pause)

BUSTER: You sure?

(Wade stares at Buster bored, and Halley walks up to the stand)

HALLEY: What the hell?

RK: Welcome to RK...

BUSTER: And Buster's...

RK AND BUSTER: MUSTARD MOISTURIZATION STAND OF AWESOMENESS!

RK: Have you ever wanted to make your hands feel smoother than Big Daddy Kane?

HALLEY: I'm not sure if I know who that is. But I guess I've seen it all at this point.

(Halley takes the mustard and rubs it on her hands)

HALLEY: Wow, this is the best moisturizer I've ever used!

WADE: IT'S MUSTARD, IT'S NOT MEANT FOR SKIN SOFTENING PURPOSES!

BUSTER: Wade, can you stop acting like a jealous prick? Be happy for us.

RK: Yeah, our business is really taking off.

WADE: RK, you've only had one customer.

HALLEY: I can spread the word.

WADE: Oh yeah and I bet twenty minutes later, there will be more customers than I can count, right?

TWENTY MINUTES LATER

(There are plenty of kids who are ready to use mustard as a moisturizer)

WADE: I can still count them! One, two, three...

(Buster throws a milk carton at Wade's face, knocking him down)

RK: Dude, that was cray!

BUSTER: He deserved it.

(long pause)

RK: Oh, hell yeah.

(Buster and RK continue to serve the kids, who are creating a frenzy)

SCENE 6

The Huie Household

Interior Jaylynn's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

(Jaylynn's room noticeably is partial to purple and black; there are posters of legendary punk bands like The Clash, the Sex Pistols, and Minor Threat, and a bed with skulls on the headboard; Sparky and Jaylynn are sitting on the bed)

JAYLYNN: Sparky, my man, poetry class is going great. I love my teacher. And I even met a girl.

SPARKY: So, you're into her, huh?

JAYLYNN: I don't know. I mean, she's cute and all, but she's not who I usually go for.

SPARKY: Who DO you usually go for?

(long pause)

JAYLYNN: Shut up!

(Jaylynn smiles and punches Sparky in the arm)

SPARKY: So, will I ever get to meet this girl you're totally crushing on?

JAYLYNN: That's if we even become that close. Now out. I have to work on my poem.

SPARKY: But the next class is in five days.

(pushing Sparky off the bed and towards the door) JAYLYNN: I know. First come, first served. I want to make sure my work is the best in the class.

SPARKY: Is that girl any good?

JAYLYNN: She probably has some...adequate poems, but I know I'm the best.

SPARKY: OK. See ya tomorrow.

JAYLYNN: See ya.

(Jaylynn sits on her computer chair and takes out her journal)

JAYLYNN: I can't believe it. I'm actually excited for the next poetry class!

("Poetry" by Boogie Down Productions playing in the background)

Jaylynn is hard at work, making sure her poem is the absolute best in the class. At times, she gets frustrated and throws the pencil, but for the most part she's pretty confident.

JAYLYNN: Yes! This is my masterpiece!

SCENE 7

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

(Buster and RK are heading towards the cafeteria when they see Ms. Radwell and Mr. Borman standing near their stand)

BUSTER: Oh no. We're busted!

RK: Hang on. Just let me do all the talking.

BUSTER: Why you?

RK: Because you sometimes say things that are wildly inappropriate.

CUTAWAY GAG

Mr. Buslovich's earth science class is at the local community garden. All members of Testicular Sound Express are present.

FEMALE TOUR GUIDE: So this field has been around for more than 200 years, and in two weeks, it's getting a complete renovation. Any questions?

(Buster raises his hand)

FEMALE TOUR GUIDE: Yes, the blonde boy with the buzzcut.

BUSTER: My mom told me that slaves worked in the fields. Does this count as a national landmark by default?

(The tour guide is speechless, along with Mr. Buslovich, and the kids are all staring at Buster angrily)

END OF CUTAWAY

BUSTER: I wasn't trying to be disrespectful! My mom told me that. She could've at least answered the question!

MRS. RADWELL: Do you guys care to explain why there is a mustard moisturizer stand here?

RK: It was crazy, Ms. Radwell. These aliens descended from Area 51 and shot us with mustard bottles! And they told us you better sell their alien mustard as a skin softener and give 'em all the money we make. Or else they would pretend they're spacemen choking us in the bathtub at night!

BUSTER: Hey, that was MY idea.

(long pause)

MR. BORMAN: You're being shut down, you know.

RK: Yeah, we know.

SCENE 8

Northgate Community Center

Interior Poetry Class

Seattle, Washington

MRS. ROSENBLUM: OK, Jaylynn, why don't you read your poem next?

(Jaylynn gets up front and center)

JAYLYNN: I'm Jaylynn Michelle Huie and this is "The Darkness." (clears throat) "Last night, I had another nightmare...it might just be a voice in my head going crazy like Rodman to come out...But I know what it was. It was violent, stomach-pumping, pitch black...I looked for answers as to what it could be...then I realized I was sweating like a pig from my own trepidation. I don't want to admit it, I thought I was more mature than that...But maybe not everything has to be kept hidden inside my hat. In it is an inordinate amount of secrets...and the darkness is like a puzzle with too many leftover pieces."

(long pause; clapping)

MRS. ROSENBLUM: You know, Jaylynn, I loved the confusing route your poem took. It made it feel very mysterious and unique.

JAYLYNN: Thank you.

MRS. ROSENBLUM: And Asil, it looks like you're closing us out today.

(Asil gets up front and center)

ASIL: I'm Asil Mousa and this is "Media Terrorism." "It's sickening like Ebola to think that everybody sees me as a killer...I'm not in a sleeper cell, I never attempted to bomb anyone's house...But the crooked white media's got me like Nas in '96 because they want the truth...you have no proof, you can't kill with youth...when a white man plays this shady game, people label him as a Manson or Lanza...when I play the game, my people are shafted as I flip off this stanza...stop thinking you can treat us like animals...Muslims are beautiful, you just don't know the protocol."

(wild clapping; Jaylynn's eyes widen when she realizes her poem was nothing compared to Asil's)

MRS. ROSENBLUM: Absolutely marvelous, Asil! You pulled your concept by the horns and took us all along for the ride! Excellent work!

ASIL: Thank you, Mrs. Rosenblum.

(The oh-oh-ohhhhhhh-oh from the _Big Time Rush _theme song plays as the camera zooms in on Jaylynn, seething with rage)

SEGWAY SEGMENT

CLASSIC MUSIC VIDEOS

YO! THANK YOU, HEAVENLY RAPS

("It Takes Two" by Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock playing in the background)

(RK is seen right outside Safeco Field, wearing a Seattle Mariners cap, Mariners jacket, blue jeans, Adidas Originals, two gold chains, and a replica WWE Championship belt around his waist)

RK: What's up, everybody? It's your boy RK about to tell you something dope. Welcome to the new and improved Classic Music Videos. Today, we're doing hip-hop music, so I'm in my rap attire. And as you know, it's called Yo! Thank You, Heavenly Raps for that reason alone. Here's an absolute classic. It's called "Check the Rhime" by A Tribe Called Quest, and it's a funky fresh jam for the early 1990s. KICK IT!

(Wade walks onto the scene)

WADE: RK, what the hell are you doing?

RK: I'm trying to be dope, my brother.

WADE: Stop trying to be black, I'm actually finding this insulting.

(long pause; RK takes off his Mariners cap and runs his hand through his hair)

RK: Enjoy the video.

Artist: A Tribe Called Quest

Song: Check the Rhime

Album: The Low End Theory

Year: 1991

Label: Jive Records

"Check the Rhime" samples "Love Your Life" by Average White Band, "Baby, This Love I Have" by Minnie Riperton, "Hydra" by Grover Washington, Jr., and "Fly Like an Eagle" by Steve Miller Band.

(The video for "Check the Rhime" starts playing)

SCENE 9

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Jaylynn is pacing around the living room while Sparky, sitting on the couch, is staring at her)

SPARKY: Jaylynn, did you come here to talk to me or do your best impression of a frightened Boy Scout?

JAYLYNN: It's Asil!

SPARKY: Who is this (makes air quotes) "Asil" you speak of?

JAYLYNN: She's the girl I told you about! And her poems are way better than mine.

SPARKY: Oh, that girl you're crushing on, huh?

JAYLYNN: Don't distort the facts, I don't even know if I like her!

(from the kitchen) BITCH CLOCK: Of course you like her.

JAYLYNN: I don't, um...who's that?

SPARKY: Don't you remember, it's Bitch Clock?

BITCH CLOCK: Yeah, Sparky beat me up in October, we did that whole thing...

JAYLYNN: Oh yeah, I don't remember that very well.

SPARKY: Really? Your memory sucks.

BITCH CLOCK: Sparks, you always say how anything before June 2012 is a blur.

SPARKY: Well, can you blame me?

JAYLYNN: We're going off the tangent now. I don't like Asil.

BITCH CLOCK: Of course you do. You're jealous of her success because you have feelings for her and you want some sense of superiority over her. It doesn't make sense on the surface, but I've seen this a lot. That's what led to the marriage of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

JAYLYNN: It's just competition in the end. I wanted the best poem in the class and she stole my thunder!

SPARKY: OK, so you're being a bitch about the situation, that's what I'm getting from you.

JAYLYNN: SPARKY!

SPARKY: What, you kind of deserve to be called out on it. You and Asil were all buddy-buddy until she did something that made you feel inferior. Asil didn't steal your thunder. The poem did.

JAYLYNN: So now what?

SPARKY: You can't expect everything to go accordingly to plan because you need your ego stroked. That's not the way the world works, Jaylynn. You have to get your ass back out there and beat Asil at her own game.

JAYLYNN: That's it! I'm going to go home and write the baddest poem this side of Seattle. I'm pretty sure Seamus Heaney did the same thing whenever Walt Whitman upstaged him.

BITCH CLOCK: Walt Whitman and Seamus Heaney weren't contemporaries. What are you talking about?

JAYLYNN: Sure they were.

SPARKY: Jaylynn, Walt Whitman died before Seamus Heaney was born.

JAYLYNN: Oh. Hey, I never hear about that Heaney guy anymore.

BITCH CLOCK: He's dead.

JAYLYNN: Oh my God, rest in peace.

BITCH CLOCK: Bless his heart.

SPARKY: Wonderful poet.

SCENE 10

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Study Hall

Seattle, Washington

(Buster and RK are discussing and writing together when Wade comes)

WADE: What's up, guys?

RK: Oh, look, it's Captain Douchebag. His special power? Pretentiousness.

WADE: Alright, look, I deserve that and I'm sorry your business didn't work out.

BUSTER: Oh, I know YOU'RE sorry. You were probably the one that let Radwell and Borman know about the whole operation.

WADE: Buster, they would have found out anyway. They're not that stupid.

BUSTER: Of course they are. On TV.

WADE: Yeah, but this isn't TV.

BUSTER: It could be.

RK: Why all so friendly, Johnboy?

WADE: I've come up with a way to reopen the mustard moisturizer stand.

BUSTER: What, like replace mustard with mayonnaise? Because I hear it's really popular with the kids these days.

RK: Yeah, it's something a little hipper, you know, bring back some of those boys you scared away.

WADE: What? (long pause) Anyway, the only reason why you guys can't do the stand at school is because it's unsanctioned and school is a non-profit institution, right?

RK: Right.

BUSTER: I thought it was because they're afraid the kids might contract something.

WADE: That too, but that's more of a thing that goes into any type of school-related venture. Look, I was a complete jackass before, but after seeing your business taken away, I realize you can get all the customers back...and more...if you do it at home.

BUSTER: Working from home? That's something women do when they're past their prime.

RK: Amen. Besides, I don't know how many kids would come to someone's house to rub mustard on their hands. They can just buy mustard themselves to do that.

BUSTER: Yeah, that's when it gets stupid.

WADE: But you guys were doing the exact same thing!

RK: The difference is we were at school and we had a captive audience. Those kids see something remotely interesting, they'll gravitate towards it. Doing it from home isn't necessary.

BUSTER: Yeah, we had our success, but we might as well just forget about it.

WADE: So, you guys are just giving up and I'm pushing at it, which is the exact opposite of what was happening before, right?

RK AND BUSTER: Yeah.

WADE: Then what are you two working on anyway?

RK: A robot dragon. Half-robot, half-dragon. Basically one day, the NYPD killed a dragon, and froze him until they had the technology to turn him into a half-dragon, half-robot. He spits wicked fire and has gadgets stuffed up his...gadget area.

WADE: Well, could I give you a few modification pointers?

BUSTER: NO! It's our thing. It's our thing.

SCENE 11

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Interior Dining Area

Seattle, Washington

Jaylynn is at the booth, drinking a Coca-Cola float while also working on her poem for the next class. Asil walks in.

ASIL: Hey Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: Oh, it's you. Hi.

ASIL: You know, I've hardly ever been in this place before. But I guess you never know what the next day will bring.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, it's a STRANGE world we're living in.

(Asil starts to notice Jaylynn isn't very present today)

ASIL: Jaylynn, is something wrong?

JAYLYNN: Why would there be something wrong? I'm just enjoying the wonderful music of The Smiths.

ASIL: There's no music on right now.

JAYLYNN: The Smiths make you feel like you know nothing and then something. You know? We all know stuff, and then it's like...they make you not know what you know. You know?

ASIL: Jaylynn, what the hell's going on?

JAYLYNN: Why don't you go explore that, Ms. I Hate Media.

ASIL: Yeah, I do, but this isn't about that. Are you jealous of me because people loved my poem and only liked yours?

JAYLYNN: What?! That's a dub. You can't be throwing that jealous thing around, Asil, that's a serious accusation!

ASIL: Ever since the last class, we haven't spoken. You said we would hang out together. We didn't. And you're treating me like your worst enemy.

JAYLYNN: You know what? I AM jealous! There! You caught me plain as day! I'm sick and tired of not being the best at anything. You're an incredible poet, and you make my work feel like shit! I wanted to have the poems everyone loved, and now you think you're above me!

ASIL: I'm not above you, Jaylynn, and I don't think I am! Are you paranoid?

WOODY: Guys, people are trying to have a good time here.

ONE MINUTE LATER...

Jaylynn and Asil are now fighting outside the shop.

JAYLYNN: I don't want you making me feel like I'm a bad poet.

ASIL: Jaylynn, you're not a bad poet. And I wouldn't even care if you were. You're not my friend because of that. But if you think that all I'm good for is competition, we shouldn't be friends at all.

JAYLYNN: Asil...

ASIL: Save it, alright? I'm going home!

(Asil walks away and Jaylynn kicks her car in anger, and starts crying)

("The Way I Am" by Eminem playing in the background)

Jaylynn goes back inside Ike's, asks for her Coca-Cola float to-go, takes the float (that's now in a cup) along with her notebook and drives away from the shop. At home, she doesn't truly understand why she started to get upset with Asil. Was it really because she had the better poem? Was it because she didn't want to feel inferior by comparison? Will she ever realize the truth? Jaylynn takes off her skull cap in her room and starts working on her poem. Instead of showing confidence, she's confused, angry, and annoyed.

SCENE 12

Northgate Community Center

Interior Poetry Class

Seattle, Washington

(The class is leaving)

JAYLYNN: Mrs. Rosenblum?

MRS. ROSENBLUM: Yes.

JAYLYNN: Was my poem good?

MRS. ROSENBLUM: No.

JAYLYNN: What?! I worked really hard on that...

MRS. ROSENBLUM: That's exactly what I wanted from you, Jaylynn. That type of reaction. I want you to be confident in your own work so you don't have to ask me that question. I loved the intensity you brought to this poem, and I felt your first poem suffered from self-service. You took no prisoners in this poem, and if you work hard enough, you'll be better than Asil.

JAYLYNN: How did you...

MRS. ROSENBLUM: I saw that look on your face last week. (winks)

(Jaylynn smiles and leaves the class; She stares at Asil, and extends her hand for her to shake)

JAYLYNN: I was a total asshole. I should've realized you had talent from the beginning. I was jealous of the attention you got. That's it. Please forgive me. You're one of the coolest girls I've met in a really long time and...

(Asil instead hugs her)

ASIL: Jaylynn, you're a real piece of work.

JAYLYNN: I know.

ASIL: You want to come to my house?

JAYLYNN: Sure.

(The two walk away from the center together)

(black screen; it quickly cuts off and we see the boys in Sparky's living room)

WADE: OK. A grape jam moisturizer stand?

RK: Wade, give it up.

BUSTER: We're not doing that anymore!

(long pause)

(bored) SPARKY: You guys sold mustard as a (bleep) skin moisturizer?

(black screen)

TESTICULAR SOUND EXPRESS: Now it's time for...

STEVE SONGS: Yoo-hoo!

KIDS: Music Time!

STEVE SONGS: With Steve Songs.

("Story of My Life" by One Direction playing in the end credits)

©2014 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS


	2. Jaylynn the Poet Backstage Pass

PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES

-I wanted to introduce Asil, but I had to think of a different way to do it. Having a girl that Jaylynn is good friends with might actually help introduce a new side to her character. Her cynicism isn't going to have any effect on Asil. Plus, as time goes by, you'll find out more about the little Muslim girl too.

-Asil is based off of the real-life Asil Mousa in my high school. She's a sophomore just like me. I've had a couple conversations with her and for the most part, she's OK. Asil can range from a very cool girl to be around to "Why is this kid here?" One of her friends is a total bitch though. In fact, to be honest, Asil is the only Muslim at that school that seems normal. I'm not being racist, the Muslims at my school are either shallow, arrogant, stupid, or considerably quiet. Asil also doesn't have a defining personality trait, as well as the cartoon version. I'm going to find a way to incorporate Asil's lack of personality into the show.

-This is the only episode where I could use Boogie Down Productions' "Poetry" IN the episode itself, not just _Music Time with Steve Songs. _By using music such as that, it gives the show an old-school identity and can actually make it relatable to other audiences. Let's face it, if _Thank You, Heavenly _was on TV, most people who would watch it would be white. Nothing wrong with that, but for TV shows, it's good to be yourself and appeal to a wider range of people at the same time.

-No one else could have done Mrs. Rosenblum like Gabrielle Union. No one.

-If you're wondering why Jaylynn and Asil's poems sound so different from most poems you've probably read, that's because I wrote them. Poetry isn't supposed to have rules. It's art. The minute you start telling a person that art has rules, creativity dies. I'm also kind of butthurt because there was a poetry contest at my school, and I didn't even finish in third place. I actually read my poem, and there are certain people that said I should've won. I usually don't want to be that guy, but I agree with them. My style of poetry is based on storytelling and rap music, not that "knick knack patty whack give the dog a bone" crap that the winners used. I'm telling you, none of the poems that finished in first, second, and third place were special. At all.

-Now that that's taken care of, I must say, I'm very on the fence about this episode. There wasn't much humor in the A-plot. I wish I could've done more with the B-plot. There was a lot of potential there. I'm not into leaving any of the main characters out. The only person I can do that to is KG because his role has never been as big as the others anyway. Whenever there's an episode, I at least want each character to do something, unless they're really not needed.

-I don't think I should pair up Jaylynn with Asil just yet, or even hint at it. My original intention was for that to be a major plot point heading into the third season for Jaylynn, but I think I'll just keep them as friends for now and just have you guys figure out the rest.

-Yes, the pilot episode of _Hannah Montana _influenced the B-plot. Come to think of it, the plot with RK, Buster, and Wade reminded me of the season one episode "KG Learns to Use the DVR." I thought that episode was hilarious and although it was an empty plot, it worked because it was actually funny. This is what I like about this time of year. When the season starts, you have to come out swinging and have some hot episodes. The only one I thought from September-December was only decent was "No Sleep 'Til RK." Then, around January, you slow down a bit and the plots get weaker. The characters have to work harder to make the plot work. And at the end of the season, you finish off hot.

-The porno _I Know Who You Did Last Summer _is a reference to the season two _My Wife and Kids _episode "He Heard, She Heard."

-The _Diary of a Wimpy Kid _cutaway is a rare joke about how at the end of the day, Testicular Sound Express is just a bunch of fourth-graders who think books like that are amazing.

-Bush's (adult vagina) Baked Sausage (adult penis). Also a reference to Bush's Baked Beans. Get it?

-Mr. Abend was my elementary school gym teacher. He had a female partner, but I don't remember her name. My current gym teacher is literally the first one I've ever had that looks like a regular person.

-Bitch Clock and Sparky broke the fourth wall when Bitch Clock said Sparky can't remember anything before June 2012, and Sparky says "Well, can you blame me?" It was a reference to when the show premiered and the fact that most things that take place in a show's universe before it airs become irrelevant.

-I really don't know what I was going for with the ending. Maybe something sweet? I don't know. I thought about playing Billy Joel's "Vienna" during the ending, but I really didn't think it was necessary. That's also why Sparky got that final line at the end. The A-plot started out OK, but there wasn't enough humor to aid the story IMO.

-Well, let me fill you in on a few things: St. Patrick's Day weekend is going to be huge, because of _Thank You, Heavenly_. From March 14-16, five brand new episodes of the show will be posted. Each episode will center around a member of Testicular Sound Express. Sparky and Buster will get their episodes on the 14th, RK and Wade's on the 15th, and Jaylynn's on the 16th. RK is honestly the easiest character to write for so I'll do his episode first. I don't want to spoil the details. I don't know how I'll be able to do five episodes, but I'm giving myself three weeks. Plus, I'm working on Judgment Day 2000 right now. I already have three out of seven chapters done for it!

-There's more concerning the St. Patrick's Day Quintet. I'm calling it that. Throughout all five episodes, I'm going to put in six codes (one episode will get two codes) related to Ireland. Your job is to figure out all six codes. Do that and you get to choose which two new episodes of the show air in April. I'll come up with four potential episodes and your job is to pick which ones air. The other two will become Season 3 episodes. Of course, I might just pick the episodes myself and you do nothing but play this stupid shit called a game. Plus, two weeks after St. Patrick's weekend, there will be a one-hour special called "Welcome to the World," where the whole crew (including KG) travel to New Orleans to attend WrestleMania XXX. I wanted to do it last year, but I got tired while writing the script. And unlike "Super Bowl Cum-Day," there's a bigger chance that "Welcome to the World" becomes an annual tradition.

-So, I have nine episodes to think of and seven to write. And that's not counting the WrestleMania episode (which counts as two episodes in one), or the season finale with the time machine. So, there are ten episodes left in Season 2, which will bring the overall episode total at the end of the season up to 49. What, did you forget the 21 first-season episodes? :)


End file.
